As a woman, we get the pleasure of being able to release all that has built up within us (emotionally and physically) every single month. Our bodies shed the blood that was preparing for another human being. And simultaneously we often feel a build up of emotions right around that time. Many people mock women about their emotional turbulence, but we musn’t get discouraged. This is our power.
If throughout a cycle it has been particularly stressful, or intense in some way, you could expect your “PMS” symptoms to reflect that. I hate using those letters by the way. The “symptoms” that show up pre-menstrually are not a problem, but a signal from our bodies that something is out of balance. We often try to hide these symptoms or rid ourselves of them without asking ourselves “why”. Why am I feeling especially irritable or crampy this month? Why do I want to cry all day prior to bleeding? How is it my body knows this is what I need right now?
My last cycle was in the midst of holiday chaos. And though I told myself I wouldn’t get trapped in the turmoil, I did, and I felt it. So when my moon-time came, it was a much-needed release of all that negative energy I was holding on to. Coincidentally, I happened to start bleeding on the day of the Winter solstice, which was a day away from a full moon. As you can imagine, there were a lot of emotions and energies being reflected at that time.
As I saw my blood come, I was relieved. Physically my body was releasing the blood that was so ready to come. Emotionally, I felt the need to let it all out. So I put on a movie I knew was going to hit home. One I loved and cried to in the passed. And oh, was this exactly what I needed. Despite this being a sad movie in general, it was also pretty inspirational. Nonetheless, I balled my eyes out and didn’t care to stop.
I cried for the characters and the story, but also for myself and my own story. It had been so long I was trying so hard to figure things out, that I wasn’t living my own life. Tears released for my partner, my family, and friends but also for my soul, my wild woman and the lack of feeding it. The crying was sad, but it was happiness too. I realized in that moment how beautiful my life was. It was like a veil had opened up to show the crystal clear picture, and I was finally able to see it for the first time. My life was happening in front of me, and without me. I was in the background trying to pull the strings, when in reality I needed to let go to be the star!
After being able to release all the negativity I held around so many parts of my life, I was able to be re-filled with inspiration and creativity. Part of myself was re-born and I connected back to my younger, playful self. Where nothing mattered but what made me happy in that moment. When we can let go of the things that truly are not helping us, it makes room for that which makes our soul ignite. Very often, I believe, this comes in the form of creativity.
“My business is to create.” It doesn’t even matter what you do.
This quote (by William Blake and added to from the movie P.S. I Love You) is what sparked the main character to re-discover her creativity, her fire, her drive in her life. I think I resonated so much with this movie, because like the main character, I had lost my way. I got caught in the drama of life, that I was not living it. Afterwards, I found some things that re-kindled this creative spirit. Things like macrame and making necklaces which I loved to do as a kid. Making plant hangers and dream catchers. It doesn’t matter what you create, as long as you do. This outlook is so refreshing. It brings the child back into our overly serious adult lives.
Now, I feel good. I feel settled. Like I’m home again. I cannot say I have it all figured out; quite the opposite. But now I feel OK with not having it figured out, and have no urgency to know. There comes a time where we just say “fuck it” because if we don’t, we will watch our life pass in front of our eyes without being a part in it at all. We must release the need for control, and just flow with the story we have created for ourselves.
As the year is coming to a close, I feel at peace. I feel ready to take on whatever life throws at me. I feel like there is room to grow and change and live my life. My soul is and always will be with me. My creativity and child-like wonder ignited. I realize, there is no other place I’d rather be, than right here in this moment. Because this is all we ever have. And this to me, is joy. This is peace. This is success. The rest of it will fall into place. I know it because I feel it. By letting go of what may be, we allow for what is.